


Help Me. Even When I Refuse

by averyqueerlion



Series: To Love Again [3]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Dalek - Freeform, F/F, Fluff, thasmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 19:51:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17514920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/averyqueerlion/pseuds/averyqueerlion
Summary: Based on the 2019 New Years special. What if the Dalek took control over The Doctor?





	Help Me. Even When I Refuse

The Doctor was on a verge of a panic attack. U.N.I.T was down. The Dalek had rebuilt its shell. And it was on it’s ways to the most powerful and advanced Head Quarters of the world. She cursed to herself, gritting her teeth and pacing in annoyance. One hand clutched her forehead. She needed to think. Fast. But she was running out of ideas. And she was running out of time. Most of her ideas were dangerous and could possibly put her friends lives on the line. If she tried to go alone to stop the Dalek her friends would refuse and most certainly follow her, especially Yaz. The last thing The Doctor wanted was to put her friends -especially Yaz- in danger again. She had put Yaz in so much danger. The witch trial, in Punjab, with the Uks and Tim Shaw, the last thing she needed was a Dalek attacking Yaz or holding her hostage.

The Doctor shuddered at the thought, shaking her head. No. She would never let it come to that. She couldn’t.

“You got any ideas?” Mitch asked, holding Lin protectively close to his side. The Doctor looked over at her team and her extended friends. All eyes were on her, wide with worry. The Doctor noticed Yaz’s worried gaze and turned away, blinking down at the floor. She shook her head.

“I might have a couple. But I don’t know if they’d work.” She murmured. “The Dalek has rebuilt it’s case-“

“Doctor!” Yaz growled. “Are you kidding me?!”

“I know what I did!” She snapped back at her. “I’m trying my best alright? It’s not easy.”

“We can help.” Ryan offered, taking a step forward.

“No. Absolutely not.” The Doctor’s voice was stern but there was worry behind it. She was pressing buttons on her console, typing things into her scanner. “I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Well we don’t want you getting hurt either.” Yaz walked towards her. “You’re family to us. And family help each other.”

“Better my life than yours.”

Yaz grabbed her shoulders, pulling her away from the console so The Doctor was forced to look at her. “Your life is valuable.” Yaz snapped. “I don’t ever want to hear you say that ever again!”

“I’ve dealt with the Daleks before I know-“

“I don’t care, if you’ve dealt with this creature before.” Yaz curled her lip. The Doctor knew she hated fighting with her. She hated it too. But she needed Yaz to be safe. She needed everyone to be safe.

“I’m helping you. We’re all helping you. Now stop being a stubborn arse.” Yaz let go of her, stepping back towards the rest of their friends. The Doctor shifted her jaw. Rage boiled inside of her, along with fear and relief. She needed the help. She needed her friends support but their lives mattered more. She could regenerate. Or was this her last life? She didn’t remember.

“Mitch do you still have those documents from the excavation site?” She asked in the coolest tone she could muster. As much as she wanted to argue there wasn’t any time for it.

“Uh yeah, yes I do which documents do you need?” Mitch asked, slowly letting go of Lin.

“Any of them. Anything that tells us how The Custodians destroyed the Dalek.”

The Doctor could feel Yaz’s gaze on her shoulders, hot with rage yet warm with satisfaction that she was accepting help. She tried to ignore it but she couldn’t. She couldn’t ever ignore Yaz. The Doctor slowly looked up at her as Mitch rummaged in his backpack for the documents. Yaz’s gaze softened and The Doctor felt a stab of guilt in her chest but Yaz seemed to understand. She always did. She was always so good to her. She was gentle and patient, two things The Doctor needed the most in the universe from someone. But herself? She was reckless. Oblivious. Gullible. She never did anything for Yaz, or it felt that way at least. She knew better. Hell, she could do more. So why didn’t she? Why was she so self conscious? Why did Yaz stay with her when all she caused was trouble?

The Doctor turned her gaze towards Mitch who set down a stack of documents next to her on the console. She carefully shuffled through them, scanning quickly for any important information.

Her console’s alarm went off and she cursed in Gallifreyian, checking her scanner.

“It’s almost at the headquarters. We dont have much time and I still don’t have a plan!” She growled.

“Hey take a look at this picture.” Mitch leaned towards The Doctor with the document in his hand. The Doctor looked at it closely, slowly holding it in her hands.

The document showed a picture of rather large troops of men with swords and shields charging at a massive bonfire in the middle of the battlefield.

“Oh yes. Yes of course!” She handed Mitch the documents, pacing for a moment. “They melted the Dalek. That’s how they defeated it. They melted it!” She grinned. “Ryan’s Dad can I borrow your microwave? I can use the spare parts to create a heat bomb.”

“Uh yeah. Sure.” He shrugged, gesturing towards the box.

The Doctor knelt down, about to open a box but Yaz stopped her.

“We can help you.” She beckoned Ryan, shooting The Doctor a look. The Doctor tensed but gave a slight nod, not looking at either Ryan or Yaz. That feeling of guilt burned in her stomach again and she could feel Yaz’s gaze on her.

“Ryan and Yaz, I need you to break apart the microwave and pull out the circuits. Don’t separate the heater from the main frame. Graham, Mitch, I need you to look at the documents to see if there’s any more information or tactics The Custodians used to destroy the Dalek. Lin and Ryan’s Dad, I need you to... to help me, er track the Dalek...” She stood, walking over to her console and began asking Lin questions about the Dalek’s programming system.

It was nice to see other people in her TARDIS, working side by side with one another. She felt a surge of accomplishment, smiling to herself and she typed information into the console.

“Doc we got the parts out.” Ryan called over.

“Oh excellent!” The Doctor was about to run over but stopped. “Lin, I need you to keep an eye on that red dot and how close it’s getting to those Head Quarters can you do that for me?”

Lin nodded, trading places with The Doctor who knelt beside her friends. “Right. Okay. Thank you. I-I’ll connect them together.” She glanced at Yaz while Ryan handed her the parts. Yaz was smiling at her. She looked proud. The Doctor gave her a soft smile back.

“The Dalek is in the headquarters!” Lin shouted. The Doctor was over in an instant, Sonicing the parts together. She locked in on the Dalek’s coordinates and pulled the lever. The TARDIS roared with a jerk. The Doctor ran towards the door, turning quickly to face her friends.

“I’m going out there alone-“

“No you aren’t.” Yaz snapped.

“Let me confront the Dalek first.” She barred her teeth. Yaz held her glare for a moment while The Doctor tried to compose herself. “On my signal, I need you to help me place the bomb on the Dalek’s shell.”

She turned around to face the door, inhaling a deep breath, and stepped out.

There was the Dalek, staring directly at the TARDIS.

“EXTERMINATE!” It howled, blasting at theTARDIS only to have it’s blast be reflected. The Doctor chuckled a bit.

“You really think I’d stand here without shields?” she waltzed away from the TARDIS. “You’ll have to try harder if you want to get rid of me.”

“YOU CANNOT STOP ME. THE DALEK FLEET WILL BE SUMMONED ON MY COMMAND.”

“No they won’t.” The Doctor said sternly. “You’ll have to get through me first.”

“EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!” The Dalek began to open fire and The Doctor ducked, skidding on the ground quick enough towards the Dalek, just missing a blow to the head.

“Now gang!”

Ryan Graham and Yaz came bursting through the TARDIS doors, helping The Doctor attach the bomb to the Dalek’s shell. The Doctor stepped back, sonic screwdriver out and turning the heat and electrical signals of the past microwave on as high as they could go. In an instant the Dalek shrieked, the bomb exploding in a burst of sparks resulting in a melted Dalek shell.

“You did it!” Lin cheered.

Yaz turned towards her with a grin. “Course she did.”

“Did you guys see my skid?” The Doctor was also grinning. “Think it was my best one yet.”

A disoriented laugh interrupted their celebration.

“It’s still alive?!” Graham looked around frantic.

“But that’s impossible...” The Doctor shook her head. “That bomb should have killed it. It should have burned it!”

“Should we start looking?” Yaz asked.

“No. Get back in the TARDIS. Please. I don’t want another one of you getting corrupt-“ The Doctor stopped mid sentence, her face growing pale.

“Doctor? Doctor what is it?” Yaz asked, moving forward but The Doctor moved back.

“I should have taken control over you a long time ago.” The Dalek growled. Slowly it crawled up The Doctor’s back, locking itself in place.

“Oh hell...” Ryan murmured, stepping back.

“Get in the TARDIS. All of y-“

“Silence!” The Dalek ordered and The Doctor cried out in pain, bending forward as the Dalek tried to enter her conscious.

“Doctor!” Yaz tried to move towards her but Ryan grabbed her hand, pulling her back.

“You heard her. Get in the TARDIS!”

“And leave her alone with that monster?!” Yaz looked up at him, her eyes full of worry. “She saved my life. The least I can do is save hers.” Another cry of pain from The Doctor made her tense.

“You know how to think like a Dalek, Doc-tor. So why fight it?” The Dalek chuckled. “Why fight something you already know?”

“Because it’s wrong!” The Doctor hissed. “It’s horrible what you did! To all my past and current friends, to... to Gallifrey!”

“But Gallifrey was also your doing.”

“Shut UP!” She slammed herself into one of the monitors in attempt to get the Dalek off her back.

“Do not bother.” The Dalek purred. “You cannot escape my control, foolish timelord.”

“Yes I ca-AN!” The Doctor screamed in agony. Tears welled in her eyes. The pain was almost unbearable now. The Dalek was possessing her mind, her beautiful, fragile mind. Her ultimate weapon. She was losing control. No matter what she did to try and block the Dalek out it was stronger than her. The Dalek pushed past any mental barrier she put up, digging deep into her memories. The Doctor was forced onto her knees, her fingers scratching against the tiled floor. So much pain. There was so much pain. It wasn’t just her mind that felt excruciating pain, but her entire body. She could feel her chest tighten with each ragged inhale, gasping for more air but whatever oxygen she received wasn’t enough. The Doctor had felt almost any kind of pain imaginable but this pain was different. Vaguely familiar, but different. She clutched her chest. One of her heart beats was off. This wasn’t just an invasion of her mind. The Dalek was trying to kill her.

The Doctor’s entire body grimaced at a sharp pain in her chest. She lifted her head up. Her vision was getting blurry. She could vaguely make out Ryan and Yaz- were they arguing? The rest of their friends were inside the TARDIS watching her. Graham looked as if he was guarding the door. The Doctor felt her body curl up as it contracted with pain. She blinked her eyes, trying to keep them open.

“Y-Yaz...” she gasped, gritting her teeth. Her arms shook as she tried to keep herself from fully collapsing on the floor. “Y-Yaz.!”

She didn’t know if her friend could hear her. Her head was aching. Her vision was fading. The world felt as if it was spinning beneath her. The Doctor felt the Dalek’s grasp tighten around her back that forced her down to the ground with a grunt. Paralysis. Neurological paralysis. The Dalek had gained access to her peripheral nervous system. In minutes it would reach her central nervous system. She tried to move, tried to cry out for help but her muscles wouldn’t move. Nothing would move. If she was breathing she couldn’t feel it. If her hearts were still beating she couldn’t feel it. She couldn’t hear anything. Not even her own thoughts. Except for one thought. No, one thought was screaming at her. What was it saying? She could barely hear it. It wasn’t her own voice, she knew that much. But she had heard that scream before, only once. The scream was getting louder- was that because she was focusing on it?It was a word. A single word. Two syllables; she could hear the rhythm. It was fast, but it was there. A name? It sounded like a name. Most names were two syllables and single words. But why would someone be screaming a name at her? Unless...

 

_Doctor!_

 

There was a ringing in her ears. Something warm was pressed against her body, particularly her forehead. When she opened her eyes the world was still spinning around her, the lights were too bright and she groaned at the unbearable pain in her head, closing her eyes shut. Instead she inhaled a ragged breath through her nose. She knew that scent. It was soft and sweet and one that she’d always remember.

 

_Yaz..?_

 

She felt her body contract in pain again when she thought of her friend’s name. The Dalek was trying to pull her back. She could hear it in her thoughts, feel it in her aching limbs. The Doctor forced herself to move, gritting her teeth.

 

_Don’t move. Don’t you dare move._

 

The Doctor could feel Yaz pull her closer into her friend’s warmth and she shuddered.

 

_How are you in my head.?_

 

 

_I’m using a telepathic connection. I’m getting you out of this just follow my voice, please Doctor follow my voice..._

 

 

The Doctor hissed as the Dalek’s mental grip tightened on her. She leaned into Yaz’s warmth and despite Yaz telling her not to move she moved closer to her friend, swallowing back a pain filled cry.

 

_Damn it Doctor I told you not to move!_

_I wanted to! I-I needed to. I’m touch telepathic the more contact._

 

There was a ringing in her ears again, followed by a wave of darkness and the Dalek’s laugh echoing in her mind. The Doctor felt Yaz’s hands grip her shoulders, holding her close to her body and The Doctor shuddered.

 

_Tell me what to do. Tell me what you need_

_Happiness. Yaz I need happiness, anything please... I-I need something else to focus on..._

 

The Doctor could feel Yaz’s conscious invade her own. It was painless- unlike the Dalek’s- and she shuddered in relief.

It was bright, but not too bright. It was sunny out. There was a slight breeze in the air, not a cloud in the vast blue sky. Earth. The Doctor knew that sky from anywhere. The trees gently swayed in rhythm with the breeze. Graham was to her left, Ryan to her right. And there was... herself. Standing there with Yaz’s grandparents. A flower was tucked neatly in The Doctor’s hair, the breeze causing a few strands of her golden hair to gently brush against her cheeks. She looked, beautiful. Radiant. There was a smile on her face that exposed her dimples and the way her nose gently scrunched up. The Doctor was shocked at the sight of herself.

 

_Am I really that beautiful?_

_To me you are._

 

_Damn it did I think that out loud?_

 

The Doctor could hear Yaz chuckle.

 

_Yaz.. Why are you showing me a memory of... Of me..?_

_Because this is my favorite one so far. Favorite one of you at least..._

_This is my happiness. You make me happy Doctor. No matter how clueless you can be sometimes you make me so... So happy..._

 

The Doctor could hear her ears ringing again. She could feel the Dalek’s conscious squirm, hear it’s shrieks echoing in her thoughts. She could feel Yaz’s grip on her shoulders tighten again, pulling her close. The ache in her back instantly faded and the mental strain in her thoughts released. She opened her eyes, gasping for air, her body spasming for a brief moment. She could feel Yaz hold her back from falling back onto the floor, pulling her deep into her warmth.

There was another shriek outside of The Doctor’s head that made her jolt. Ryan had stabbed the Dalek with-

“Ryan how the hell did you have a pocket knife on you?” Graham asked.

“For emergencies.” Ryan murmured, making a disgusted face as liquid oozed out of the Dalek.

The Doctor leaned back into Yaz’s arms, leaning her head against Yaz’s upper chest. Yaz gently shook her.

“You okay?”

“Oi gentle please.” The Doctor groaned.

“Sorry I-“

“Yasmin Khan there is nothing to be sorry about.” The Doctor weakly looked up at her. “You saved my life. I don’t know how to thank you.”

Yaz smiled down at her. The Doctor could see the relief in her gaze that was lightly clouded by tears. “We’re even now.” She gently pressed a kiss onto The Doctor’s forehead.

“Is that because I saved your life before?” The Doctor asked. It sounded painful for her to even talk.

“Yes now shush you’re gonna hurt yourself.”

“Too late for that.” The Doctor murmured, nuzzling her face into Yaz’s neck.

“Can you stand?” Yaz asked. The Doctor shook her head.

“Without falling over no.” She murmured. Yaz shifted herself, careful enough to make sure she wasn’t hurting The Doctor, and slowly lifted the blonde up into her arms. The Doctor winced.

“Sorry..”

“Would you stop doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Apologizing.” The Doctor mumbled. “You have nothing to be sorry about.” She turned her head away from Yaz’s neck. “Ryan bring the Dalek’s corpse into the TARDIS so I can dispose of it properly later.”

“You want me to carry that thing?!” Ryan sounded more terrified than disgusted.

“You killed it.” The Doctor muttered. “Make sure you go to the medbay and disinfect yourself and your knife afterwards.”

“You’ve got to be joking.” Ryan shook his head.

“Listen fam I’m not in the mood for arguing I can barely raise my voice.” The Doctor sighed.

“Do as she says, son.” Graham was grinning at him and Ryan rolled his eyes.

“Wipe that smirk off your face would you old man?”

“Ryan just get the job done.” Yaz tried her best not to snap at him. “Doctor how are the others gonna get home? You’re not fit to control the TARDIS.”

“She can fly herself.” The Doctor mumbled. “She’s touch telepathic. Put your hand on the console and think of home and she’ll take you there.”

Lin and Mitch nodded in agreement. Ryan’s Dad however was looking at Ryan who looked as if he was trying not to vomit while carrying the dead Dalek.

“Is the lab door open?” Ryan asked in a high pitched tone.

“It is now.” The Doctor murmured. Ryan rushed in there, dropping the Dalek on a lab bench and ran out to the medbay.

Ryan’s Dad looked over at Graham.

“Could I speak with you when we get home?” He asked. “It’s nothing bad.”

Graham shrugged. “Sure.” He flashed a smile.The TARDIS roared to life as Lin and Mitch placed their hands on the console following The Doctor’s instructions. When the TARDIS landed they said their goodbyes and thanked The Doctor once again for her help before walking out into the streets of London. Ryan had returned from the medbay with a new set of clothes on, dusting himself off before slowly walking towards his Dad and Graham. When Graham placed his hand on the console the TARDIS roared once again. She barely noticed the three men walk out. The Doctor was trying her hardest to keep her eyes open. The lights in the TARDIS were too bright for her. She was exhausted. Drained. She could fall right asleep in Yaz’s arms but didn’t want her friends to see how much pain she was truly in.

“Doctor?”

Except Yaz. Yaz always knew.

“Can you take me to me bed?” She asked softly. “I need a nap. And maybe a really good cuddle.”


End file.
